blast to the past

Interesting day - today seems like I stepped back into the past when I was still actively volunteering. Interfaith forum at Furama (former Novotel Apollo) hotel. Basically, doing mindless adhoc logistics, secretariat job and enjoying myself with my friends and meeting new ppl and eating free and good food. hehe

Nazry and Nazirah are still in the honeymoon period. Sweet in the beginning but they got neauseating and we felt very arkward. Haha. Oooh and this hotel manager was kind of cute. I noticed and so did my friends that he seemed to be checking me out. Was flattered. Heh heh.

The rest of the day was spent in just lounging around and ushering ppl and eating. Basiclaly it went like this:

7a.m: Breakfast at Mc's. HAd Big Breakfast
8-9 am: Lounge around at the Sofa while waiting for Darul staff to arrive.
9-10: Set up registration booth, free pubs and stuff and then suhered ppl in to teh ballroom.
10: Second and third breakfast - hotel food and half a filet fish and suusage egg mc muffin from Mcs that Mahdi bought for us.
11- 12.30: lounged around and had a good time talking away.
12.30-2: Lunch. Food from Kintamani Restaurant. Ate a lot, got very sleepy.
2-2.30: sat at the sofa and fell asleep
2.30- 3: went to the hotel pool because it was so cold in the ballroom.
3-3.30: lounged at the prayer area and started clearing up a bit.
3.30-4: Ate leftover hotcakes from Mcs
4-4.30: cleared the main stuff.
4.30: went home and slept until 6 (sleep was interrupted cos Hejun finally sms me :p)

Gosh! I ate a lot and practically did nothing. It really felt like it was a blast from the past. Sure our conversations are now more matured, politics, work, marriage, sex, but for this one day I felt so free from worries and I did not feel so burdened by responsibilities and work. It was just fun and laughter and catching up with friends. No stress.

We did something fun at the end when all the participants left. We collected all the writing material - writing paper and pen- and all the sweets the hotel provided in one box. I took home 3 pens and a bowlful of sweets. hehee.

7 things

Just got home from teachers' day dinner. It was fun, retro and all. Played 2 games of pool after that. 2nd time in my life I played the game. I like the game but need loads of practice if I want to be good at it. The last time I played it was years ago when I was still in uni. And that was with my ex. Ok, well, I can use the TEN to brush up on my skills. :)

Anyway, I had to go home after that cos it was past midnight and my very conservative parents won't sleep if I dont go home. You can't educate your child and get them exposed to all sorts of cultures, values and ideas and expect them to live by your old fashioned principles. Seriously, the least they could do is know the world I am living in. "Karaoke is a bad influence, don't you dare go karaokeing." (Roll eyes) Principal and VP was karaokeing too, dear mum and dad. Bet they would just collapse if they knew I was playing pool in a smoky lounge and was the only gal in our group of 5. Shhh...don't tell them. Sigh...my parents. Got to accept them cos they are the only set of parents I have. Conservative as they are and ridiculous it seems that at my age I have to follow a set of rules that are outmoded, I won't rebel against them. Cos I was brought up to be a good girl and I love my parents unconditionally. They have my best interest at heart even though their rules and mindset frustrate me. I grew up fine; just zany, crazy, loud, adventure seeking and far from being the domesticated, soft, obedient and typical young Malay woman that my parents aspire me to be; so they must be doing something right.

But, in the end, I am just a repressed person underneath all that calm exterior. The wild streak is yearning to get out. Perhaps one day when I could do all what I want to do, by then my spirit would have died and I become typical. I hate being typical. All my life I fight against being typical and I am just so afraid I will end up being like one of those average typical Minah Janes out there. I just want to be me but it is funny, ironic even having your parents saying when you are a child : "when you grow up, you can be whatever you want to be." You can be anything but yourself, because what you are is dictated by what one's family and society expects you to be. I am something else to everybody else, but I am seldom ever me nowadays. I am beginning to lose touch with who I am these days.

Fee, Fie, Fo, Fum ...

Okie, here are seven things that aai asked me to do, not in random order:

seven things that scare me:
1. not obeying Him
2. scary movies - incredible tales included
3. not being able to provide for my family
4. being lonely and unloved - including losing those I love
5. being seen as irresponsible and incompetent
6. losing myself
7. no security for my future

seven things I like the most
1. knowing that He is always with me
2. chocolates
3. going out with someone who I am comfy with and have the same wavelength as me. Read: opposite gender.
4. cats - they lead uncomplicated lives
5. daydreaming
6. the scent of freshly cut grass/ the forest after a rain
7. walking on dewy grass in the early morning

seven most important things in my room
1. my bed
2. my pc
3. my drawer with all my important documents
4. my 4 door cupboard brimming with my clothes and bags
5. my Aussino bedsheets, especially the embroidered or exclusive ones
6. my junk - things that don't fall into any category but they are there for some reason.
7. my mirror

seven random facts about me
1. I am untidy but my mess are organized mess
2. I like sports -
3. I am most vulnerable and emotional when I am PMStic and I cry when nobody is around.
4. I am incurable romantic
5. I talk to cats
6. I hate doing household chores
7. I am terribly competitive - play to win

seven things I would like to do before I die
1. complete all the articles of faith
2. repent and don't make the same mistakes again
3. Get married and have at least 3 children - one set of twins would be nice :)
4. travel more
5. further my studies outside Singapore
6. be a good wife and mother
7. do more adventurous stuff like bungee jump, etc.

seven things I can't do
1. maths
2. split myself into 2 so that I can attend softball and remedial at the same time
3. drive
4. understand why girls can be so bitchy when I am a girl myself
5. understand why girls always give the excuse of being the weaker sex just because they fail to get things done right
6. travel during non peak period
7. remain slim without exercising

seven things I say the most
1. whatever
2. rubbish
3. you people are very mean, you know
4. okie, moving on
5. Good morning/afternoon class
6. Thank you class
7. huh?

seven celeb crushes
1. Jude Law
2. ewan mcgregor
3. The guy who played in LOTR - not orlando, Liv Tyler's lover (it is 2 in the morning, can't think)
4. Spiderman - both the character and the actor whostarred in the movie
5. Christian Bale
6. Nick in CSI Las Vegas :)
7. Brad Pitt

seven ppl who have to do this
Anybody interested can do this. I dont care for chain mails. I did this cos it was fun at first and I must finish what I started. Phew! all done.

Big picture

Spent 5 hours in Chem lab 2 today. Invigilated the chem prac. 3 sessions worth of the same chem prac. I thought it would be the normal invigilation but when my first session started, I realize it won't be like any normal invigilation. Firstly, I have no idea what to do and secondly, I have no clue what they are asking for. The last time I stepped into a chem lab was 11 years ago. One student inquired for a conical flask and I was bewildered for a moment. What the heck is a conical flask? Lucky the lab assitants were there. Chem prac was pretty interesting. I used to hate chem prac. I dropped chem in sec 4 because of the practical.

Today, I had to do the one thing I hate most in teaching. Be the adult and be responsible when in my heart all I want to do is let my students have fun and join in with them. I had to chase my softballers out of school right after training. I forbade then from playing bball in the courts or stadium. I chased and followed the C div out of school. Seriously, i even threatened them with demerit points. Sigh... I hate being responsible in this manner.
Seriously, i see no harm in letting them stay in school. They are nice kids and I trust them. Some naughty and mischievous but they won't harm anybody. However, I do see the other side of the issue as well. Kids might get into trouble and all, parents complain, kids may be nice but they might get into accidents and who knows what else. So, while I would like to be a rebel and fight slongside my students but I do see the big picture.
Of course, I do not expect students to understand, I wasn't that understanding when I was a teenager. I did not see the rationale behind rules, I saw my teachers as old fashioned sticklers for rules, I did not see the constraints, I only saw the infinite possibilities that youth and energy can provide.
Okie, so i have to curb my inner fun loving me and be responsible. That sucks, but that is what I am paid for. Anyway, it is high time I behave like an adult instead of a teenager. Ok, at least I have to behave like a teacher in school. Dont have to be one when I am not with my students. Being responsible is just yucky.

Day of the Amazons

Su got married yesterday. Didn't go for her solemnisation cos was too sick and tired. Went for the wedding today. She looked very pretty. Mulyan looked so sweet. Very happy for them. Glad she finally found someone who can take care of her well.

3rd one in the squad to get married. And a TKAmazon baby coming in November. A girl too. 13 years later, maybe, she could be 2nd generation TKAmazon. Heh heh.

Shuling brought her 'boy' in tow. He is not bad looking. Must be pretty serious that she brought him to meet us. Too bad she had to flee or else we would have grind her for details. After the wedding, the 5 happening and gorgeous single ladies (Wanzhen, Suxian, Christine, Farhana and me) sat at Deli Bistro for desert and we had such a great time. We moaned about our jobs and how we have no social lives at all. Very unexciting lives we lead cos we are so bogged down with work.

It is refreshing to meet the squaddies after so long. Must meet again soon, perhaps during the Sept hols or at the very latest when Azian decides to pop in November. :)

What a day!

Zombified. Tired.

Itenary for the day:

6.30: woke up
8 - 12: Pulau Ubin, nature walk at Sensory Trail
12-2: Home, Lunch Rice with sambal goreng
2-3.15: Eee Chiew's function: Had rice and all sorts of stuff.
3.30-4.45: Cousin's place, pre wedding preps- had rice and all sorts of stuff
4.45 - 7.30: Early dinner at Sofra - had Shish Kebab with Turkish lentils and rice
7.30 - 8.30: Prayers and head for home.

Gosh, it seems between 1.15 and 7, I practically did not stop eating. When I went to my cuz's place, I was already very full. But, the food looks so delicious. And my aunts and grand aunts are such great cooks, how can I miss their food? I think i can still down some more food. Maybe I should eat the mooncakes now. Or maybe I shall not be a glutton and I should stop eating. Enough eating for the day. Tmr can continue. He heehe

I told my aunties about my students and their antics at Ubin this morning. Singapore indeed is a fine city for apparently my students have never seen mosquitoes and ants. They were more preoccupied with the mozzies and ants than listening to the nature guide. And then complain, complain and complain. Sheesh. Pampered and weak. Haha haa (of course they would deny this). We had a good laugh.

I finally bought a Crumpler. Small but it is still a Crumpler. I am just too tired to write anything else. It had been a very good day.

Blogging - Public or private?

Just watched a Malay debate on TV. VJC vs. Madrasah Wak Tanjong. Madrasah Wak Tanjong won the debate this year. They are good, in fact all the 6 debaters were very good. The issue is about blogging and VJC argued that it is a private thing whereas Madrasah Wak Tanjong argued that it is not private.

Funny when it comes to the internet, a lot of things fall in the grey area. Blogging for instance, can be considered a private realm and yet it is not private because the public can read your blog. Juxtapose blogs with traditional diaries and you see what I mean. So, it is a grey area and new laws and policies have to be invented constantly when dealing with internet. Copyrights, censorship, hacking, peer sharing, etc.

Let's talk about blogs a bit. People use blogs for a variety of reasons: personal, commercial, political, etc. Ask for help even. It all comes down to intentions. Sarong Party Girl posted her nude pictures up to gain popularity, I suppose. A Japanese lady used her blog to ask for help in her search for her runaway child. The Chinese government has a law that do not allow Chinese citizens to use words such as Democracy - shows one the power of a blog. So a blog can be powerful.

So what am I leading to? A friend sent me a link to a blog, a very disgusting blog. I was angry, upset and disappointed after reading that blog. A Singaporean made slanderous and racial remarks about a certain race in Singapore. He made unjust and unwise accusations and presumptions about a couple of religions and religious organisations in Singapore. The remarks were very malicious. I could say he is an ignorant and immature fool, but the fact remains that his blog is still out there. He receives a lot of hate tag and comments, but, I believe that is what he wants. To create waves and be noticed. It is very worrying, because his blogs are very malicious and that if there are enough people who support him, it can incite racial tension.

His taggers, be it out of hate or support, challenge him to do something about his convictions. But, do we really want that? He has put in one of his posts that he would like to be a sniper and kill someone important. In Singapore? How to get a gun, much less a sniper gun? What if he went into NS or if he signed up to be a regular? What if he could get access to such weapons? Should we just rule out all possibilities and say that it is just ramblings of a lunatic?

So what can we do? His blog is his private thoughts but if he can cause such reactions, wouldn't it be worthwhile to notice who this guy is? Hitler was seen as rambling fool that no one liked, but he made use of opportunities that helped him rise into power as a dictator. Perhaps, we should not overlook such things. Not in this day and age. I made a formal complaint to Blogger. I hope his blog gets shut down. Meanwhile, I will monitor his blogs. If the authorities could investigate the cases of scholars who made slanderous or unkind racial remarks earlier this year, I don't see why they could not do so with this guy. I am so going to do something about this.

Endorphins - the lack of it

My last day of MC. Went to the doctor in the early morning. Waited for 2 hours to see her and she saw me for less than 5 minutes. Just to take off my bandages and give advice and said we need to have a follow up in 6 months time. Good news is that the diagnosis shows it is not cancer. Ho hum...

Reliefed it is not cancer, yes but I can't help but be a bit blue. All of AHS was at East Coast Park and I was at SGH. I wanted to be at ECP too. I wanted to run the 2.4 and then do breakfast and then cycle/skate. I can't, however. I run the risk of sounding childish here, but I can't help how I felt. I have been looking forward to the cross country since last year. I wanted to run the 2.4 and improve on my timing. I even set goals for myself. I was aiming for silver or if I can, gold. How disappointing that i can't go. I remembered I was quite upset after the surgery when the nurse told me my next appointment was today.

The conversation went something like this: (remember, I jsut woke up from surgery. My head is still in a flux)
"ok, zarinah, ur next appointment is on the 5th, next friday."
"Cannot, have 2.4. x-country." Silence...
"But this appointment is to remove ur bandages."
"oh, but I have 2.4."
Nurse looked a bit puzzled here.
"School event, I want to run."
"You want to run?"
"Yes. So can change the appointment?"
"Cannot because the clinic is only open on friday mornings and there is no other time that u can go"
"So that means I can't run?"
"I dont think you should run 2.4. You just had a surgery. your stitches need to heal."
"But I want to run."
"you can't run."
"Oh, that means I can't run during my MC?"
"You can't." And she makes me sign a form and clearly points out the clause that says No vigorous exercise. Darn it.

Anyway, i was just not happy that people are having fun at ECP and I was not. They have no business to. I am sounding so like a spoilt brat. The inner child taking over. :)

But, after that I decided to make myself happy. But I can't decide where to go after SGH. I was toying either Suntec City or just go around Chinatown. I spent too much time mulling over it, that I got tired. So i decided to just go to Paya Lebar and drop off the overdue coupons at MCAS - DA. I got unhappier by the minute and I decided that I should go down to Singpost and buy myself stationery. Stationery shopping always makes me happy. I like new stationery, new notbooks, cute magnets and paperclips. I don't need them, but they are nice to own. :-)But Popular there was dismal. I didn't buy anything that could help me. So, I thought that I need to release endorphins into my system and one can only do that via exercise or eating chocolates (I lack exercise, i think, that's why not enuf endorphins to make me happy.). So I went to NTUC and bought myself chocolates and other kinds of junk food. So now there are endorphins in me, and I am relatively happy. I got over my disappointment. There is always next year. I still have to wait for about a week more before I can do any exercise, but I will be at school, so that won't be so bad.

I never thought I would say this, but I do miss all my students. But, I have 2 more days to enjoy and be the carefree, young and slightly reckless and bimbotic me before I turn myself into the no-nonsense, follow the rules, listen to me or else ... teacher.

Oompa Loompas

Went to school for a while today to do some admin stuff. Dodged some students. Don't want to see them yet today. Then, I went out with Yati to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. At Shaw House. Big theatre and being a Thursday afternoon, there was less than 10 of us in the entire place. It was cool. The last time that happened to me was back in NUS and we watched One Night In McCool's (RA) and that was before I turned 21.

I felt like a kid again. Watching CCF and eating free popcorn and nachos. But CCF is a fun show. Love the Oompa Loompas. Changed the story a bit, though. It was very Tim Burton. Quite funny plus the dark undertones of Willy Wonka as an unloved child. I want to work in his factory. I fell in love with the Waterfall and the meadow. oh oh, you can break out into a dance and a song when you are working. Hahaha. How cool is that? But, the movie is a tad too long and slow moving. But, I love it!

I was looking through Suxian's blog and she worte abt this theory of 'quota of words'. Let me quote her 'Apparently, men and women have a quota of words everyday, but women has a higher quota. In the olden days, men go out to work and women stay at home to look after the house. Men use up most of the quota of words at work, while women talks to no one at home. And when the men returns home, the women wanting to use their quota of words, begin talking incessantly to the men, and is deemed as nagging by men!' I found this rather interesting because she was complaining abt not talking enough. I totally agree with this theory because stuck at home means I have no one to talk to. And I was bored because I needed someone to talk to. Really. I just needed to use my quota. So i have not, and that bothered me for the past week. And I was kind of mean and naughty cos I picked on my students on MSN and I teased them mercilessly. Mercilessly, yes I did. Apologies ... I am mean, I know.

What about me?

Suxian said to me yesterday that the heading or my blog sounds depressing - Phlegmatic, Sanguine, Melancholic. Not really. It does not suppose to convey feelings. It is a statement of my personality tupe. I did a personality test over the hols and this is what I came up with. Just a bit of an explanation:

My dominant personality is Phlegmatic and less dominant ones are sanguine and melancholic. So what are these personality types all about? Just listing some of the personality traits ...

Phlegmatics are:
Low-key personality - yeah, esp to people I just met
Easygoing and relaxed - yupps, that's me
Calm, cool and collected - that's what a lot of people say abt me
Patient, well balanced - I guess so
Keep emotions hidden - Oh yeah, very true, this one
All-purpose person - I am a teacher, what do you think?
Makes a good parent - I hope to be one ;)
Doesn't get upset too easily - quite true, yeah kids, sometimes in class, it is all an act. But u never know dont u. So don't push it.
Peaceful and agreeable - "I am ok with anything"
Avoids conflicts - guilty as charged
Good under pressure - I always work best with a deadline and stress
Easy to get along with - Heey ...who am I to say that abt myself. hahaha
Good listener - Anyone has anything to say abt this one... :)
Enjoys watching people - yeah, I do. Esp when teenagers start kissing and groping in the MRT. Hey, they want to do it in public obviously they want people to watch...

Sanguines are ...:
Talkative - can be. Teachers used to write "she needs to talk less..."
Memory for colour - yeah, right on. Colours are my life.
Emotional and demonstrative - I can be a bit of a drama. Ok, ok, a lot drama.
Enthusiastic and expressive - Always the first to sign up for something new and exciting back in school. I use my hands a lot when I talk...
Cheerful and bubbling over - love cheerleading.
Curious - As a cat :)
Good on stage - class counts?
Wide eyed and innocent - I got out of this habit when I discovered feminism. But, it does resurface sometimes, esp when I want something. The bimbo comes out occassionally ... Ok a lot but i manage to hide her. Wide eyed and innocent is not a good trait in a teacher.
Always a child - Very difficult to suppress this one when I am in school.
Thrives on compliments - who doesn't?
Doesn't hold grudges - Life is too short. Live for the moment.

Melancholic
Deep and thoughtful - What is life? What is good and evil? Heaven and hell? :)
Serious and purposeful - serious when there is a purpose, so yes.
Genius prone - I like this one. A nobel prize awaits me in the future. Haha
Appreciative of beauty - yeah, man. Everything is beautiful, you just need to look for it.
Philosophical and poetic - See deep and thoughtful> I did very well in Philosophy 1102 - God and Religion, I think it's called.
Sensitive to others - ooooh yes.
Self - sacrificing - Not all the time
Conscientious - very
Idealistic - I have a lot of dreams...

That are some of my characteristics. Funny though, I believe I used to be a dominant Sanguine when I was younger but I think I had developed to become a Phlegmatic over the past 5 years or so. Strong desire to be less drama I think....

And, I am Golden - that's what my name means in Arabic.

In Russian, however, Czarina means Queen. Long live the Queen, the Golden one.

Queen Golden signing off ... too much time on her hands. :)

Pictures

Found pictures of my river rafting experience. It is fun. If anyone wants to go, I recommend it. :)

These are my friends I went with to Sungai Tampak, Perak. Nurul, NAdz, Azlee, Andy, Ruf, Myself, Ruf's sis (can't seem to remember her name) and Nor.







This is us being gung ho before the actually rafting. We had to carry our own rafts to the river below.

Stuck at a rapid.

The end of the rafting. All in one piece. Happy and grinning. 10km of hard paddling. Arms sore.


My certificate. Ain't that cool. :)

Bored

So bored. I thought I could enjoy the MCs but this is sheer boredom. What good is a break from school when I can't do anything? This is so sad. A Saturday and I spent my day watching TV. At least LOST is good. But after 5 hours of the series, it is just too much tv. I need to run, play ball, skate or do something. Something that gets the heart pumping and adrenalin rushing. I know, I know, no vigorous exercise, yadda, yadda yadda...

What can a gal do? There is only so much tv watching and book reading I can do before I permanantly get lost in the world of imagination and escapism. Even then, I get a headache when I leave reality behind far too long. Sleep, too much. I am tired of sleeping. I get daymares and it just means that it is not a proper sleep and I wake up grouchy and moody. Then at night, I can't sleep.

Sheesh! so much energy but can't use it. Everybody's asleep in the house. It is so quiet. EEEEKS! I just want to scream. Why can't they give me drugs or something that makes me drowsy and forces me to sleep most of the time. At least they can be sure I won't do anything vigorous. I am going crazy. How long does it take for stitches to get healed anyway. I am sure it is healed already. Sigh, double sigh, triple sigh...this is torture.

Maybe I should plan what I am going to do for the rest of the year. I read in Shape magazine that if the ring finger is longer than the index finger, it means that one is a better driver. This is due to the level of testosterone that one has at birth...or something along that line. Well, my ring fingers are longer than my index fingers. Maybe that should renew my faith to take up driving sometime at the end of the year. That would make a whole lot of people happy. Why they bother about me and driving, I am not too sure. But, I highly doubt that i will take up driving. I will just panic on the road or something and plus I do so enjoy being driven.

Oh god, I am just rambling on about unrelated stuff. This is majorly boring. It is times like this that I am starting to think that my aunts do have a point. It is time I find me a man. At least I have someone to talk to when I am bored, angry, moody or whatever. Okie, this is X rated for all my students. R(A) 21. So scoot, no more reading. Go on, read and I will make your life miserable. Last warning....Oh heck... this is my space. I have to get back to the dating scene soon. Oh help, that would not be so easy. Malay men are just so ... so .. so ... what's the word, oh yeah, typical and boring. Of course, Sohabahs excluded. :) Typically boring. What happened to vision-mission men? They are not interested in marriage and I think they are not interested in malay gals. Ay, that's the rub. A string of family weddings coming up pretty soon. My cousins are marrying gals who are younger than me. A younger gal cousin is getting married in December. Nagging aunts galore. Heehhee. At least they are concerned, adorable aunts. :) Hah! maybe I could spend the rest of my medical leave planning on how to meet guys. That would be a blast! NOT! :/

Maybe I should just break the rules and go skating....

My boys

Went to watch the C boys softball match at Montfort. There, I realized the wisdom of taking MCs seriously. At home, I am all alert and perky but outside it took a whole lot of energy just to be normal. Quite woozy, fluey, slower and my stitches do hurt.

But, it was all worth it. My boys may have lost and it is the end of nationals for them, but they played well. They fought well from the beginning to the end.

I am immensely proud of them.

surgery blues

I just got home from SGH. Still slightly groggy. I need to sleep but I need to eat too. Not that I am hungry (went without food since 10 last night - 18 hours of no food) but i need to eat in order to take the pain killers. Am waiting for food now.

I am going to have 2 scars. Sigh...don't like scars.

The lady before me had complications and so I waited for so long to go in surgery. The wait helped me clear my nerves a bit. The staff all very nice and they made it all very comfortable. I was very nervous when it was my turn. Trembled slightly at the operation table. Could feel the injection in my hand. But the general anesthetic took care of everything else after that. Next thing I knew, I woke up facing a window. Feotal position and shaking badly. Very, very, very cold. They put some kind of hose that blew hot air into my blankets. Felt better after that. Pain is bearable.

When I took the taxi to SGH in the morning, the driver was very kind. He assured me that everything will be ok. His wife went through it and he understood. It was nice of him. He said that I will get moody after the operation. And yes, I did. But my parents started it. Never ask someone who is still slightly groggy from an operation a battery of questions. You are just going to get frustration and tears.

Anyway, 11 days of MC ... that's the upside. Still, I might not use it all. I only prepared enough until Friday. well, shall see how. I might pop down to school tmr and go Montfort for the match. It all depends on how I am feeling in the morning.

Think I can skip the food. I just want to sleep. Can't stay up anymore.

Uncovering reality

Going for surgery in the morning.

Have you ever had an experience so unpleasant or shocking that you refuse to acknowledge it?This is the very situation. I know for a month now. I refused to even think about it. I won't let it all sink in and accept it. It does not help that school has kept me busy. Sec 4s, tournaments and all.

No time to deal with it. Don't think about it. It won't happen. Wishful thinking. Illogical.

Madam Sim asked why I did not tell her earlier. How could I, when I myself refuse to believe it.

Fear manifests itself in many forms. The most common form of disguise that fear takes is anger. Can't suppress fear. It wants to be heard and dissipate from the source, the person. Covered and hidden, it brews, it breeds, it feeds.

Morning arrives. Going under the knife.

homecoming elections

Went to TKGS yesterday for match. It was nostalgic. Back to my old school. I can see my old classroom at the corner. They had additions to the school. Plenty of changes. Hard to believe it was 10 years since I graduated from TKGS. Moribus Modestus - Demure and Resolute. We were resolute but seriously never demure, until we graduate. All the fence climbing, yakking loudly etc... those were the days. I could practically see ghosts of my younger self and of my friends. It would probably be more nostalgic if I went to the old school building. All the naughty and mischievous things we did as students. I am much naughtier than most of my students. But, I am smart, never get caught. Oh, and our road crossing abilities developed during our TK years. :)

Oh and the TKGS spirit! Do I miss it. TKGS softball girls are aggressive and loud showing what true TKGians are made off. Long live the TK spirit! The cheers they did, very uplifting. We are very good at cheerleading. I so do want to do a cheer.

Anyway, today did a very important thing for the future of our nation. I went for elections training. Yupps, was selected for this upcoming elctions to be on duty. 4 hours training session. All teachers and of course teachers... we are such sociable creatures and so by the end of the session we are all friends. I just realise there are so many teachers living in Bedok Reservoir. So many of us. . Being teachers, we were so into the role play and all. Kind of fun la the hands on session. Too bad I wasn't able to play the role of a wheelchair bound voter.

what happened to the weekend?

Sunday night. Tomorrow school. Sigh. I am tired. I so need to do my work now. Marking, lessons to plan. Can't do it. I really have no energy. Spent most of my weekend asleep. Supposed to do work and all, but there is no energy. My PC is always on as a reminder to do my work but I cannot bring myself to get started. Goodness, I think I am going to break.

This term is one very busy term. Plus with that thing happening in Week 5. Have been too busy to really think about it. Actually, I don't want to think about it, but I have to. Classic ostrich syndrome, as I called it. As long as I don't see/think about it, it is not a problem/it won't happen. Wake up! It is going to happen and you know it.

I am just so down. Emotional rollercoaster. Started with missing Nadz's solemnisation at ROMM. I would have given anything to be there. Of course, I have about 250 teenagers to mould and my conscience just wouldn't allow me. That weighs heavily on my shoulders. Plus, I have to miss a few lessons with my sec 4s in the next few weeks and that makes me feel more terrible. Of course, week 5... why am I not a total ditzy blonde?

I would like to take this opportunity to ask my students not to do things last minute. For example, the test is tomorrow, please try to ask me questions days before the test. Not the day before. I do not mind answering questions but seriously, what good does it do? Especially when the test is on a Monday morning and you are asking me on a Sunday night. It is a bit too late especially if you ask me questions that requires a long explanation. Please call, and don't sms. It is easier to explain long and difficult questions that way. Also do that if you have more than 1 question. Much as I would like to make myself available to my students at all times, I am not always free. I wish the best for all my students and I wish I could be there for all of you at all times but I am only human. Perhaps, this is a good time to give fair warning to my students that I am planning a trip to Chiangmai in September hols. I need a break. I hope it gets approved. I know, prelims is right after the hols, so I am giving you the heads up to ask me questions way before then.

Achin'

Tired. muscles hurt. Still haven't finish doing ppt slides. Had been a looooooooooooooooong day. Stressed out. Tonnes to do. When will it end?

OIC Singapore was good though. Love the musical/dance extravaganza. Glad they got Jacintha to sing the national anthem. She did it beautifully. It was a sophisticated arts affair. Rahimah Rahim was great. Seriously, she has such grace and elegance. Super glad they decided to use veterans in this affair.

So tired, was glued to the tv while marking mind maps. Refused to move. Finally budged out of the sofa. Would have been a good day overall but I was served with a letter from IRAS. Must pay tax! Darn! Am super broke now.

Body achin', heart achin' and pocket achin'!

amazing things in a small world

Didn't eat breakfast for 2 days in a row. Amazing. I seldome ever skipped breakfast, but for 2 days I did. That is saying something. i love breakfast. Always eat a huge one. Went for sports day on an empty stomach and I still had loads of energy. Today went and had tutorial with 4G while stomach growling. Had lunch at home. Quite a treat we had today. I ate yesterday's leftovers cos my mum was too sick to cook and then my father came home and he brought Indian Rojak! So had a huge lunch to make up for today.

I took taxi home from school today. A waste of money but no choice cos I was tired and loads of stuff to carry. What luck I flagged down my neighbour's taxi. At that time both of us didn't know we are neighbours. It was only after the driver asked which block I stayed then he said he lives in the same block. We talked some and he said something that made me so ashamed of myself. Told him I took taxi cos I have so many books to bring home and mark. And he said he understands cos he knows my father and my father is not an extravagant man. So he is sure that I am not extravagant as well. Boy, I was silent for a while. Not very nice to contradict him. I am not extravagant but the amount of taxis I take.... actually, I have a theory. My father never spend much money on us while we grow up. Always very basic and loads of hand me downs. No toys, no games, just that one Scrabble he bought for me when i was in Pri 5 because I reasoned that it is an educational game and that the whole family can play together. And that camera in Pri 3 because I made a deal with him that he will get me a camera if I get 1st place. We were very understanding, he is the eldest of 10 siblings, some of my uncles and auties were still schooling when I was very young. So he had to help his family. We made do without a lot of things. No complains, grew up fine after all. But, now that I have my own money, I want to buy things that had been denied from me. So, Aussino, branded T shirts etc...but then again, I wouldn't call it extravagant since I live within my means and I dont buy a whole lot of branded or expensive stuff. Still...think i should cut down on taxis. I spend quite a bit on taxis each month....

Extravagant is this certain someone I know who earns very little but she changed her hp every few months and she spend hundreds each time she changed it. Nvm...don't wish to talk about her. She is totally taking advantage of the situation.

Anyway, the taxi driver who happens to be my neighbour refuses to except payment from me. So I got a free ride. Yaay. What a nice day it had been.

Going to go out with sohabahs later. Can't wait.

on teachers

Sports day. Won third place for EL dept in 4X100 relay race. Not too bad for someone who hasn't run since God knows when. There was a crazy teacher who was cheering away at the grandstand. The only teacher crazy enough to do that. Cheering away for Softball, of course. Crazy. No other teacher bothered to cheer for anybody. ;p

Lunch at BK. Talked about students, books, Tom Cruise and dirty stuff. (Ms Zarinah!!! dirty stufff????)

We also talked on the way to BK about the lack of awareness of students. ;)

Facts on teachers:
Teachers do not live in staff room. We have homes to go back to.
Teachers read other books too. We do not read only textbooks.
Teachers have dreams, ambitions and hobbies. We do not just teach.
Teachers were given birth to, nurtured, went to school and we were once your age (gasp!).
Teachers do not just materialise out of air, all grown up and ready to teach.
Teachers have feelings. (yes, we do. So watch it!)
Teachers who are not married are still entitled to 5 day work week - we have parents to spend our weekends with.
Teachers do not disappear on the days they don't teach you. So please hand in your homework.
Believe it or not, teachers do get tired, teachers do not like to scold, teachers do not know everything (if we are omniscient, we are demi-Gods), teachers watch movies, teachers are also capable to hold a conversation about movies, celebs and things other than school related matter. Teachers are human beings.

Wow! what a revalation about teachers. :)

Cats 'n' such

Cat's sick. He's been home all day for the past few days. He is never home when well. Actually he is not our cat, he is just a cat that we feed and share our space with. He treats us like a restaurant, hotel and hospital roll into one. I swear that cat is much more intelligent than we give him credit for. I mean, what other cat actually devised a cat sharing sytem? Seriously, this cat put us in a cat sharing sytem and did not tell us. We thought we were the only ones who feed and pet him. Apparently he has been going to my neighbours too. And we only found out by accident. Plus, that cat knows Malay. He understands everything we say to him! But, in all fairness, he likes us the best. Why else would he treat us like a convenient convalescence resident or a resort?

7 cats since I was 7 and out of all these 7, only 2 was rescued by me to it from the life of a stray cat. All others were smart enough to appear at our doorstep begging for food. Then they keep coming everyday for food, and everyday they get bolder and then one day we would find that stray cat sleeping on the sofa. They have claimed us as their family. We are stuck with them. No arguments about it. Don't know why though, being my family's pet ain't an easy life. Sure we feed them but my mum and I are perfect Almiras from Animaniacs. We squeeze and cuddle and kiss our cats till they beg for mercy or scratch or bite, whichever is more convenient. Still they love us and these cats kept coming.

Too bad these cats are regular pariahs, would love a British long hair. And only 1 cat was female. All others male. Tom cats are terrible. They don't like cuddles and kisses. Tabies are much more loving. As I type this, that cat is sleeping on the bed, making a bloody mess on the sheets.