going to Aceh...

Leaving for Aceh in the morning and I am tired even before I leave. The past week had been a flurry of activities and there were so many things to do to prepare for this project. I have never packed so many things in my entire life before. 33 boxes of stuff and almost a tonne of baggage in all. we were stuck in the airport for more than 5 hours because of the excess baggage. there was no more money left from the funds to pay for the 300 plus kilos of excess baggage. We thought we have to fork out our own money but we sent an SOS to someone and that someone managed to raise $1500 in 3 hours. Phew! Lucky we checked in 1 day earlier. Imagine if we checked in tmr morning. We will never leave Singapore.

Oh gosh, I have so many bruises on my knees. After this I am not touching cardboard boxes, bubble wrap and masking tape for at least 5 years.

I hope I will learn many things on this trip. I know I am going there as an educator but I have a feeling that I will be the one educated.

Aceh is packed with foreigners now. All the world's media will focus their attention to Aceh and the other places hit by the Tsunami last year. I jkeep forgetting that and kept imagining Aceh as a quiet place. Not so quiet if many teams are going there.

Ok, pray for my safety and wish me luck.

World of Sports

Went ice skating and the sports fitness expo after softball today. Seems like today is a day where I can't get away from students no mateer how far away I go. At Fuji Ice Palace, met some sec 3 students. Tried to teach a couple of them how to ice skate but failed miserably cos I don't remember how I was taught to skate. Anyway, they had fun and my skating skills have definitely improved. My backward swivel is nice now. Then at Suntec City met one of my sec 4s working part time.

The sports fitnes expo was kind of disappointing. Too few sports being showcased as very few companies took up a booth. I did get a free check on my spinal stress. Analysis was expected, too much stress on neck and shoulders. Supposed to see a chiropractor next week at a promotional price of $80. But as I left the hall, I feel that I need not see the chiropractor and waste my money, i know why i have stress on my shoulders and neck. The way I sleep, the way I hold my bag.. so I am going to cancel the appointment.

Actually, I would rather spend the money on a manicure at this nail place at suntec city. The mani and pedi that they have sounds so wonderful. Thinking of getting the 1 and 1/2 hr mani or pedi. I think $95 is worth it. I am terrible, aren't I. Think i am quite a snob when it comes to the finer things in life. Eversince I bought the sapphire ring, i refused to even consider semi precious stones. I passed by several jewellery stores and I am very satisfied that my 5 coloured sapphire ring is indeed the nicest. But Lee Hwa just came out with another sapphire ring design that looks so gorgeous. And the sapphire bracelet, simply brilliant. I wish a millionaire would just drop from the sky and marry me so that I can have all the nicest jewellery. Darn it, I am getting too materialistic. Get a grip, girl. How many sapphire rings does a girl need? Plenty actually, but one will suffice and the bracelet is just extravagant.

I looked around for sportswear and found a very nice Nike t-shirt and trackpants. I looked at so many stores but very disappointed by the lack of selection. Actually I need a new pair of running shoes. The current one is falling apart. I think this coming trip to Aceh will it be its last mission anywhere. Also need a new jacket. Been going around forever looking for the perfect shoes and jacket. Very partial to Adidas but the colors are just not nice. Nike and Solomon has nice jacket but I think I shall wait for the post Christmas sale.

ok enough shopping talk. promised myself no more shopping until i start regular exercising and lose weight. Well, if I hold on to the promise, I am going to save a whole lot of money.

Read in TNP about Sea Games and how the host always win the most medals. Pretty normal but he did bring about the idea of the true meaning of the SEA games are lost and that countries only strive for medals. Totally agree with him, but he is not a credible source. He is afterall a disgruntled politician who hates to see his country coming in 2nd. In fact if any other country frets, they are just being biased. It is a catch 22 situation, I think. But getting to my point, i have to agree with Thaksin. I used to love watching the Olympics and the SEA and Commonwealth games. The international friendship and spirit was electrifying, the sportsmanship was great. Now, all these are secondary. Winning is most important. I think, they have missed the point of the games. Any games, any tournament should have an objective more than just winning. Unfortunately, as a teacher in charge of a sport, I know this is not always true. Winning, sometimes/ most times, is everything. Sad...

Pottering around

So thus ended the 2 day 1 night softball camp. All went well, hopefully no repurcussions and no complaints.
Went to watch Harry Potter after camp with a couple of girlfriends. Colleagues were surprised I still have the energy.. I actually got my appetite back in the morning. Perhaps that is why I have energy. Anyway, I was dying to watch Harry Potter.
Was afraid I will be disappointed with the movie. Reviews and many people said that it was quite a disappointment. I have to disagree with them though. I think those who find it disappointing compared it with the book too much. But the cinematic value is good. Of course, there are some parts where you would not understand unless you have read the book but just one or two parts. The film offered me a different view from how I imagined it to be from reading the book. There are several parts in the film that helped to drive the intended meaning of the author better than what I could infer from the book. Long story short, I enjoyed the movie.

Somebody brought a baby to the movies. The baby cried and talked in some parts of the movie. Not that I was actually bothered but it made me remember Sumiko Tan's recent article about how parents should not bring their children around in public places unless their child can behave. It brought a slew of letters to the Forum page both in agreement and disagreement to her sentiments. Not surprising that those who disagreed with her are parents. Of course most parents are blind to the faults of their own children. I probably be like them someday. I hope I can be rational and sensible and not be like them. The question that popped in my head during the movies: "Who in the right mind would want to bring a baby to watch a 2 and 1/2 hour movie???!!!" Ok, so I sound a bit harsh, but hey, people pay good money to be entertained and we dont really appreciate babies in our midst. Anyway, that is why there are VCDs and DVDs. For people who cannot go to the movies. Come on lah, as parents there are sacrifices to be made. Personal entertainment at the movies is one of them. Or else, send your kids to be looked after by someone else while you are at the movies. Seriously, which 2 or 5 year old child understand Harry Potter? My take on it, if they are too young to understand the book, they are too young to watch it in the movies.

Sleepless in AHS

11 pm and I am in the teachers' room. Not doing work, fortunately. Just have to be around for the Softball bonding camp. I had every intention to enjoy myself at this camp but I had to fall sick the morning of the camp. Was feverish and I could not eat at all. Arrived in school and threw up all my undigested dinner (disgusting). I couldn't eat anything after that. As of now, I have only eaten a slice of watermelon. Initially I couldn't even hold down water. I want to throw up all the time. I am kind of hungry but the thought of eating makes my stomach queasy and I feel sick.

I was too sick to even cheer for the friendly matches. It seems that opening my mouth will cause me to want to throw up. Both teams won though, good for them. Proud of my gals. Their fielding has improved but base running is poor. They need to be more confident as well. Same goes for the boys. Confidence is key. I have a dream...to break the RI winning streak. Can't we? I hope and I know we could. Or at least get the top 4 positions in all the tournaments and continue to do so for years to come. I don't see why not, though. My B boys are as good as any other top teams. They just need to believe in themselves. My C boys are coming on strong, they will be as good, I am sure. There is a long way still for the girls but they can emerge victorious one day.

Meanwhile, I am impressed with the outcome of this camp. There is still one more day to go and they might just disappoint me, but so far I was happy with what they have planned. Those who planned the camp are good, responsible leaders. Without much guidance, they have managed to make this camp a success, so far. I am really pleased.

It is close to midnight. I have to go check on them. Looks like I wont really be sleeping much tonight. I tried to sleep earlier on cos I was not well. My sleep was always interrupted by phone calls and SMS that I could not sleep for long. Snatches of only 10 to 15 minutes. Oh goodness, I am really sleepy but I need to go and check on them.

NOTICE OF CLARIFICATION!

It is with great disappointment and agitation that I have to write this notice to clarify what are my duties as teacher during the school holiday period.

It has come to my attention recently that students, fellow peers and ignorant folks out there think that teachers are free during the school holidays to slack and pursue our own interests. Sadly, this is not true. Teachers are not paid to have school holidays. We still have to go to school and work. We have to write reports, meet parents, meet students, invigilate, draw up budget for next year, write proposals, review of the year, have meetings and plan for next year's academic and non academic stuff. These are just some of the things we have to do. The list goes on, believe me.

It is true that we have more leisure time but we are still bogged down by paper work. We need not be physically be in school to work. There is such a thing called email, phone and working from home.

So students who irritate me with "Holidays what, teacher can slack.", do hold your tongue before I give you a piece of my mind. When you do see us in school, do bear in mind that we do not hole ourselves up in the exclusive staff room chained to our chairs and sleep or else have tea parties and gossip. We work very hard and it would be lovely if people do not take teachers for granted and think we are choosing a career that is easy.

Oh, and dear students, do also bear in mind that activities, lessons and resources do not drop from the sky. Teachers plan them and do painstaking research. Also, do remember you can't get everything you want just because you ask for them. Teachers are not given miracles like the prophets and we cannot do wonders all the time (we are human beings, so we also make mistakes like you).

Lastly, spare a thought for teachers. We need a break. So my softballers, while you think you need no break and wish to continue training, spare a thought for your teachers in charge.

There you have it. I tell you teachers are sick and tired of hearing students say we have nothing to do during holidays. If I hear another comment about it, I will really smack that student. Ok, I can't smack them. Not allowed to do so but I can give them a scathing look and a tongue lashing. What is it about teaching that makes people think that it is an easy career? See Boston Public? It doesn't even come close to the things we teachers really have to do and the issues we have to deal with. MTV should really make a reality TV about teachers. See us do marking, teach, plan, coordinate activities, research etc. Why are we thought of as free spirits who have afternoons off for shopping (Ok, I do admit that one of the perks of teaching is that you can avoid crowds and shop in the afternoon) but really most teachers work till late. If the school custodian do not chase us out by 6pm, teachers will probably stay in school till midnight to work. Seriously, we are not highly paid baby sitters either. So people out there change your mindset about teachers. I work really hard and I find it offensive that people make light of my career.

Read the entire shopoholic books by Sophie Kinsella.. they are positively, briliantly funny. It took me about 2 days to read all the 4 books. My fave has got to be Shopoholic Abroad. "It's on sale...so I am actually saving some $" Honestly, poor logic..but unfortunately it is a logic that most women fall back on when it comes to shopping. Wish I have her life though, someone to help her deal with her shopping problems and debt. Not that I have a shopping problem. But would just love to go on a spending spree...everyday. Wish I have a rich relative who dotes on me and give me money or I won a million dollar lucky draw. Imagine all the shopping I can do. Actually, I probably won't do all that shopping. I probably invest all that money for old age or early retirement. Security first... shopping later. So owning a real Burberry, Prada or LV will remain in my dreams for about forever. Anyway, could buy imitations. No one can tell the difference.

On the bright side, after reading these 4 books and 1 other book, i have increased my readership by (let's see now, 5 /2 * 100 = 250) 250%. woah, that's cool. Now i have time to read. I can even peruse over the newspapers at leisure. There is plenty of work to do left in school but there is enough time for me to slow down and take stock of my life. Read more, for instance. Go take up classes. Exercise ( ok, not really, but it is in my plans ... the weather has not been kind lately. The rain, you know...otherwise, I am just too tired). Well, at least I rediscovered the joys of reading and I am making another one of my childhood dreams come true (shall not say what it is). I have not been watching tv nor switched on my computer for the last 2 days because I was engrossed in reading. Cool huh. Just like the old days when I was still schooling. In my uni days I had to do speed reading...have to read plenty for tutorials. But, well the library in NUS was well stocked with gzilllions and gzillions of interesting books. When I got bored of studying or research, I could go look in the art or design books in the open bookshelves. Or if I was at the restricted Singapore and Malaysian collection, could read all the LAT comic books or read up on fantastic history or people. Read about Imelda Marcos once. Tragic story. Poor Imelda...

Righto, now off to do one of the many activities I have lined up for this holiday.

Pitter..Patter...There goes my heart

Social Studies 'O' level paper today. I wonder who is more anxious, me or them? Probably me. . Judging by the emails, calls and smses over the weekend, some of them are clearly not prepared for the exams.

Pretty much irritated by these last minute workers. It was my holiday and my weekend, I should not be working. Loads of callers not wishing me a good Hari Raya but plenty to ask me silly question that I think should not be asked in the 11th hour. They should know the answers if they had been listening in class and practised constantly before, during and after the prelim period.

I had nightmares about the O levels. That is how anxious I am for them. Well, good luck to them!

Indulgence

Had my toenails done today. Got a pedicure, just for fun. I decided to finally join in the mani-pedi craze. It feels so good to be pampered. Now my toenails are all shiny and square. Cuticles all cut away, feet smooth and silky. Can't help but keep looking at my toenails now. They are just so shiny and cute. :)

Think this mani-pedi thing should be a permanant feature in my life. I think i deserve it. Occupational hazards of marking and walking around too much definitely deserves a monthly pampering. Definitely going to use my spa membership too. A shiatsu massage perhaps?

Note for myself: This holiday I am to focus on my well being.

Things to do:
1. Keep fit - Yoga and skating
2. Go for a holiday
3. Learn a new sport
4. Pick up a new hobby ( if there is time, money and interest)

Ok, I think I am all set for the holidays. My plans will go full steam ahead from Monday, 7 November 2005.

To all celebrating Deepavali and Hari Raya Aidilfitri - Happy Deepavali and Selamat Hari Raya!
Happy DeepaRaya everyone.

Summary of events

One of the most delicious food on earth is also a poison. Just ate buah salak (for the life of me, i dont know what this fruit is called in English) all preserved in vinegar. The tangy taste of the fruit combined with the sweet, soury taste of vineagr is oh so delish. But it is oh so not good for me. I am still suffering the consequences. Coughing and wheezing, phlegm coming up. The taste of the delicacy is worth the discomfort. :)

I bought the fruit at the Geylang bazaar. This will be the last year the bazaar will be held at the market. They are going to pull it down soon. Felt nostalgic going through the market, visiting my fave shops. Going to miss all the shops there (esp the one with the cute Indian shopkeeper who looks like a Bollywood actor. Hahaha). The market may be dingy and it doesn't look so clean but it is so colourful and authentic. It exists on its own socio-political-economical cosmos of its own. It is one of the unique vastiges of Singapore that is left and the government has to take it away. Fire hazard, they say...is it though...? Never mind, I should go down to the bazaar again and take pictures of it. The colours of the bazaar in the Geylang market.

eh, just realised that I went through the bazaar everyday since Saturday. Everytime for different reasons. Sat and Sun I went to the bazaar to buy things for the orphans at Pertapis Children's Home. We made quite a bargain. Bought bags, watches and some other stuff at really, really low prices. Of course most of the time Feisal has the sad look on his face that most people cannot resist and so they are compelled to give us cheap prices. hahah. Anyway, it was all for the children. Actually, most people are willing to help us out . Mention orphans and they do not mind selling us their goods at rock bottom prices.

The children at Pertapis are really very sweet kids but very difficult to manage. For a fleeting moment I felt I was like in 4G or 4B. The only difference is that I can scold my students but i cant scold these kids. But, there was no need for scoldings, these are a bunch of very sensitive kids from broken homes. So love and care are much better. We did make their day. They had fun playing all our games and of course they loved our goody bags and the hari raya money! But Ustaz Nazmi did gently remind us that one day of fun and games is all well and good but some of the kids will not be spending Hari Raya with their family and are staying in the home.... sad. He did ask us that if we could, we should try to come down again on the eve or on Hari Raya itself and spend some time with the kids. I was awed at his dedication to the welfare of the kids. He is such a soft spoken and gentle person and he spend all his time in the home. He himself won't be celebrating the Hari Raya with his family as he has to take care of the kids in the home. Such dedication is very admirable.

Quite an emo weekend, really. Started on friday with the sec 4s graduation ceremony. Not sad, but proud. How they have grown since I took them last year and they are all ready to leave. Spread their wings, fly away and find their way into the world and make their mark. Such characters, each and every one of them. I will miss all of them. The thinsg they do that just crack me up... I do hope that in some tiny way I have made a difference in their lives. And if one day any of them become famous, I could bask in their glory and tell people: S/he was my student once. heh, such thoughts....I suspect this is the feeling that all teachers talk about when they say teaching is rewarding. (the pay and the hours do suck, and well our HR is lousy. I really should not be complaining ... )

who says kindness pays?

So what do you know... the world is indeed a strange one. Ever tried to be kind and get scolded for doing so? I am still reeling from the scolding. I mean, I was just trying to be kind. So, perhaps it was wrong because of specific reasons unknown to me. So, it is still not my fault. Sometimes, it is a lose-lose situation. You help, you are in the wrong and who knows if I did not help, I would still be in the wrong. Totally understand the reasons for not helping...after I was told about it. I still think I should not be scolded for it. The reasons could have been told to me nicely and after all how was I to know your reasons in the first place.

I try very hard but if it is never good enough, then what the --- am I suppose to do. Maybe, I should practice showing my emotions. Hurt, anger, disappointment, displeasure, then maybe they will think twice about scolding me unnecessarily. But, It is just not in my nature to do so. Talk about welfare and consideration for others. Where is my welfare? where is your consideration for me? So hurt and angry that I just want to swear.

Maybe I should just see a shrink to talk about my bottled up feelings and thoughts...

Around the world (S'pore) we go

Let's face it, we gals rock the world when we get together. Planning things are so much fun. Amazing how we achieve so much amidst all the giggles, side tracks and interruptions. But, we did. Heh, we are just seasoned volunteers. Most people will panic when nothing is finalised the week before the event, but not us. Cool as cucumbers, actually, more like noisy and giggly bunch of .... err... I think nothing is comparable to us.

So to make things funner, we went to Giant at Turf City to buy our prizes. We could have gone to shop and save at Sing Post building or Sheng Siong at the corner, but where is the fun in that? Then we went to Cheese Prata shop at Clementi, at the foot of NUS to eat prata and roti john for the fun of it.

Now, whoever heard of ordering roti john chicken cheese BUT cheese on one side only. Why? Cos Chilliz don't eat cheese. Well, we did. Heh, first time i suppose they get weird orders. Think the family beside us was scandalised by the noise we made. And the very innocent line on the menu that go us all laughing for 5 minutes. We were so naughty ... heh heh. Cheeky gals.... :)

the Ups of life

Life is really like an undulating river. There are times when things get so depressing and the next moment, a series of events happen that just make you love the world.

Went shopping last Friday. I really cannot afford to spend but I went shopping on behalf of my mother. I was supposed to buy my nephews clothes and stuff for my mum. So I went shopping using my mum's money. Bought plenty of stuff for them. It feels good to go shopping, and it feels even better when I am not using my own money. in all fairness, none (except one- and I used my one money) was for me. Boy, kids clothes are really expensive. I have bought my nephews clothes many times now but it never fails to amaze me how much they cost. But what do I care? Shopping is great fun. Maybe, when I want to quit teaching I should be a personal shopper. It gives me an all time high that not even chocolates can provide. I was so engrossed in shopping i lost track of time and missed the break fast time. Reached home at 7 plus and my mum and I excitedly pored over the things I bought for her and my nephews. Gushing over the beautiful things I bought gave me another high. (Why do people turn to drugs or sniff glue when shopping gives one such a high)

Saw this sapphire ring at Lee Hwa. Very tempted to buy. Giving my self some more time to think about buying that ring. It is incredibly gorgeous.

Saturday slept until 2. Felt very lethargic after that. Can't even play with my nephews. Sunday I went trigger happy and keep taking photos of my cats. See some of his photos:
http://www.shahnan.com/gallery2/main.php

School was quite fun today. Very extraordinary. Some students said it was cool. staff room got flooded. Water cooler pipe in the lounge burst on Sunday evening. Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink....who wants to anyway? Lucky only some of my students compo books got wet and I had to throw away a few of 3A's history project. We had to do some impromptu spring cleaning and throw away damaged stuff. Lucky I dont have much stuff under the desk. All my mess are on the desk.

Practically did not do much apart from the cleaning up so I went home early. When I crossed the road towards the petrol station, I heard someone saying hello to me. I turned and I saw this Mat with yellow hair waving and saying hello. Much confused and amused, I walked on. Undeterred, he called out again, so I replied with a smile and a wave. A tall wall seperates this romeo and myself, but he somehow managed to stand on top of something so that he can call out to me. He asked for my phone number and asked to be friends. Very amused by now, I thought i have passed the age where boys and girls do casual flirting like this. I shook my head to his questions, but i really do feel like laughing. He doesn't sound so disappointed though, it was more of a fun conquest for him.

So, it was a happy 4 days. I just have to remind myself that things dont remain happy always. Life is tough, especially working life. At least I have the holidays to look forward to.

Found! A cure for imsomniacs!

I have found the cure to imsomnia: marking! It is true. Seriously folks, if you have insomnia, just go to any one of your teacher friends and offer them your help. You not only benefit yourself by getting the well deserved sleep you need but you are also reliefing the burden of your teacher friends. However, to get the best cure, you must not just get any subjects for marking. Choose, for instance, subjects like English and Humanities. These are the best cures. The repetitive essays, structured and source based answers will put you to sleep instantly. If not, I guarantee by the 15th or 20th script, you will be in dreamland. Trust me, I have felt the power of marking. I had enough of it that by looking at one exam script I will feel sleepy. So, step right up for your cures now.

(FYI: Next post will be after I finish end of year exam marking and perhaps when O levels have started.)

Are we tolerant enough?

Went into sleep mode immediately upon reaching home. Very tired yesterday. Slept a good 12 hours and I was awoken by this news:

YET another blogger was hauled to court yesterday for posting allegedly racist remarks online - the third person charged under the Sedition Act this week. Seventeen-year-old private school student Gan Huai Shi is accused of promoting ill will and hostility among different races through comments on his blog.

Straits Times - 17/09/05

A 17 year old with so much hatred in him. When I read the news, I felt justice was served, after all, I read his blog and I was angered by his entries. But I felt pity for him. Pity that he habours so much hatred - how does one become so racist? Certainly it is not a genetic defect. One wonders ....

How would my students fare if there is a test on being tolerant? I wonder what are their thoughts on this issue? One thing I note, they have to learn to be more tactful. I do hope that their interactions with me has been of some use and educational. At least, hopefully, they do know more than my standard joke that underneath the scarf I am bald (sometimes, I say I have purple hair), have no ears nor neck and that I don't get a heat stroke despite wearing long sleeves and pants plus scarf under the hot sun.

My take on it: Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but to incite intolerance and ill will is bad. To talk about it and discuss it and learn more to dispel myths, sterotypes and to encourage understanding would be great. You know, everyone should have a good dose of Russel Peters and learn to laugh at themselves and streotypes and then watch "American History X" and then do a discussion on the futility of hate and intolerance. (Of course, the immature students would just misuse Russel Peters and concoct more Fat Mama jokes during training or think it is alright to tell me degratory racist jokes.)

Problem is, it is a slippery issue. Talk all we want till the cows come home, but something more has to be done about this.

What the ...?

Feeling very abandoned at the moment. I don't think I am cut out for this. Am I even cut out for anything? I am so questioning my life and choices now. A horrid day, stupid me, mistakes made. I am not liking my life at this moment.

Lesson learnt: very valuable. hate being put in a spot. I am too nice, I think, to people. So I expect people to be nice to me. Then I get so upset when they don't because I don't deserve it. I didn't do anything to deserve that treatment. I know where I went wrong but I dont think I deserve it like that, no matter who you are. I should be meaner, then when someone treat me in that way I would expect it. Tit for tat, right?

I am so hurt to the core.

The value of friendship

I met Mai this morning at Mc's. We had a nice talk. It is rare to meet her these days cos she has betrayed us easterners and she is now living on the other side of Singapore. Haha haa, Eastern redneck and proud of it. Meeting her just now reinforced my idea of friendship. This has been on my mind for some time now. How much do you value friendship? What does one mean when one is a friend?

See, friendship needs work. Like in any relationship, one needs to work on it. Build bonds, make memories together, share gossip and communicate. I don't understand it when someone told me we will be friends and then guess what, nothing from that person. Do you value your friendship, then?

Amongst my TKAmazons, Sohabahs and other friends we don't meet up as often as we should or like nor do we communicate that often, but see we drop emails, simple SMSes to say hello. Something, anything to tell our friends, 'hey you, U ok there? I am ok and look you are special to me cos we are friends.'

Oh crap... we all have different lives now, careers take up 90% of our time and then family and what nots, sure very little time left for friends. I so do understand. "X is busy. Work is tough, u know. That's why X has not been keeping in contact." Bullshit! Everybody is busy and don't talk to me about being busy. I am busy too. Teaching does not stop when the bell goes at 245. I am stressed and busy that I even dream of working at night. And my friends who do keep in touch are also busy, busy ppl too. That person is not the only busy person around. Hey, we all can keep in touch. It does not take 10 mins to SMS or drop an email.

Well, I give up! Here is an eulogy to X:

X, we were friends. We had good times, we shared a lot and I truly enjoyed our conversations. X was funny, fun and interesting to be with. Things happened and we had a falling out. My fault, I know. But we promised to remain friends. But X did not keep X's end of the promise. I was disappointed. X, I tried, you know I did. So X, goodbye. I will stop trying. X was missed, but now no longer.

blast to the past

Interesting day - today seems like I stepped back into the past when I was still actively volunteering. Interfaith forum at Furama (former Novotel Apollo) hotel. Basically, doing mindless adhoc logistics, secretariat job and enjoying myself with my friends and meeting new ppl and eating free and good food. hehe

Nazry and Nazirah are still in the honeymoon period. Sweet in the beginning but they got neauseating and we felt very arkward. Haha. Oooh and this hotel manager was kind of cute. I noticed and so did my friends that he seemed to be checking me out. Was flattered. Heh heh.

The rest of the day was spent in just lounging around and ushering ppl and eating. Basiclaly it went like this:

7a.m: Breakfast at Mc's. HAd Big Breakfast
8-9 am: Lounge around at the Sofa while waiting for Darul staff to arrive.
9-10: Set up registration booth, free pubs and stuff and then suhered ppl in to teh ballroom.
10: Second and third breakfast - hotel food and half a filet fish and suusage egg mc muffin from Mcs that Mahdi bought for us.
11- 12.30: lounged around and had a good time talking away.
12.30-2: Lunch. Food from Kintamani Restaurant. Ate a lot, got very sleepy.
2-2.30: sat at the sofa and fell asleep
2.30- 3: went to the hotel pool because it was so cold in the ballroom.
3-3.30: lounged at the prayer area and started clearing up a bit.
3.30-4: Ate leftover hotcakes from Mcs
4-4.30: cleared the main stuff.
4.30: went home and slept until 6 (sleep was interrupted cos Hejun finally sms me :p)

Gosh! I ate a lot and practically did nothing. It really felt like it was a blast from the past. Sure our conversations are now more matured, politics, work, marriage, sex, but for this one day I felt so free from worries and I did not feel so burdened by responsibilities and work. It was just fun and laughter and catching up with friends. No stress.

We did something fun at the end when all the participants left. We collected all the writing material - writing paper and pen- and all the sweets the hotel provided in one box. I took home 3 pens and a bowlful of sweets. hehee.

7 things

Just got home from teachers' day dinner. It was fun, retro and all. Played 2 games of pool after that. 2nd time in my life I played the game. I like the game but need loads of practice if I want to be good at it. The last time I played it was years ago when I was still in uni. And that was with my ex. Ok, well, I can use the TEN to brush up on my skills. :)

Anyway, I had to go home after that cos it was past midnight and my very conservative parents won't sleep if I dont go home. You can't educate your child and get them exposed to all sorts of cultures, values and ideas and expect them to live by your old fashioned principles. Seriously, the least they could do is know the world I am living in. "Karaoke is a bad influence, don't you dare go karaokeing." (Roll eyes) Principal and VP was karaokeing too, dear mum and dad. Bet they would just collapse if they knew I was playing pool in a smoky lounge and was the only gal in our group of 5. Shhh...don't tell them. Sigh...my parents. Got to accept them cos they are the only set of parents I have. Conservative as they are and ridiculous it seems that at my age I have to follow a set of rules that are outmoded, I won't rebel against them. Cos I was brought up to be a good girl and I love my parents unconditionally. They have my best interest at heart even though their rules and mindset frustrate me. I grew up fine; just zany, crazy, loud, adventure seeking and far from being the domesticated, soft, obedient and typical young Malay woman that my parents aspire me to be; so they must be doing something right.

But, in the end, I am just a repressed person underneath all that calm exterior. The wild streak is yearning to get out. Perhaps one day when I could do all what I want to do, by then my spirit would have died and I become typical. I hate being typical. All my life I fight against being typical and I am just so afraid I will end up being like one of those average typical Minah Janes out there. I just want to be me but it is funny, ironic even having your parents saying when you are a child : "when you grow up, you can be whatever you want to be." You can be anything but yourself, because what you are is dictated by what one's family and society expects you to be. I am something else to everybody else, but I am seldom ever me nowadays. I am beginning to lose touch with who I am these days.

Fee, Fie, Fo, Fum ...

Okie, here are seven things that aai asked me to do, not in random order:

seven things that scare me:
1. not obeying Him
2. scary movies - incredible tales included
3. not being able to provide for my family
4. being lonely and unloved - including losing those I love
5. being seen as irresponsible and incompetent
6. losing myself
7. no security for my future

seven things I like the most
1. knowing that He is always with me
2. chocolates
3. going out with someone who I am comfy with and have the same wavelength as me. Read: opposite gender.
4. cats - they lead uncomplicated lives
5. daydreaming
6. the scent of freshly cut grass/ the forest after a rain
7. walking on dewy grass in the early morning

seven most important things in my room
1. my bed
2. my pc
3. my drawer with all my important documents
4. my 4 door cupboard brimming with my clothes and bags
5. my Aussino bedsheets, especially the embroidered or exclusive ones
6. my junk - things that don't fall into any category but they are there for some reason.
7. my mirror

seven random facts about me
1. I am untidy but my mess are organized mess
2. I like sports -
3. I am most vulnerable and emotional when I am PMStic and I cry when nobody is around.
4. I am incurable romantic
5. I talk to cats
6. I hate doing household chores
7. I am terribly competitive - play to win

seven things I would like to do before I die
1. complete all the articles of faith
2. repent and don't make the same mistakes again
3. Get married and have at least 3 children - one set of twins would be nice :)
4. travel more
5. further my studies outside Singapore
6. be a good wife and mother
7. do more adventurous stuff like bungee jump, etc.

seven things I can't do
1. maths
2. split myself into 2 so that I can attend softball and remedial at the same time
3. drive
4. understand why girls can be so bitchy when I am a girl myself
5. understand why girls always give the excuse of being the weaker sex just because they fail to get things done right
6. travel during non peak period
7. remain slim without exercising

seven things I say the most
1. whatever
2. rubbish
3. you people are very mean, you know
4. okie, moving on
5. Good morning/afternoon class
6. Thank you class
7. huh?

seven celeb crushes
1. Jude Law
2. ewan mcgregor
3. The guy who played in LOTR - not orlando, Liv Tyler's lover (it is 2 in the morning, can't think)
4. Spiderman - both the character and the actor whostarred in the movie
5. Christian Bale
6. Nick in CSI Las Vegas :)
7. Brad Pitt

seven ppl who have to do this
Anybody interested can do this. I dont care for chain mails. I did this cos it was fun at first and I must finish what I started. Phew! all done.

Big picture

Spent 5 hours in Chem lab 2 today. Invigilated the chem prac. 3 sessions worth of the same chem prac. I thought it would be the normal invigilation but when my first session started, I realize it won't be like any normal invigilation. Firstly, I have no idea what to do and secondly, I have no clue what they are asking for. The last time I stepped into a chem lab was 11 years ago. One student inquired for a conical flask and I was bewildered for a moment. What the heck is a conical flask? Lucky the lab assitants were there. Chem prac was pretty interesting. I used to hate chem prac. I dropped chem in sec 4 because of the practical.

Today, I had to do the one thing I hate most in teaching. Be the adult and be responsible when in my heart all I want to do is let my students have fun and join in with them. I had to chase my softballers out of school right after training. I forbade then from playing bball in the courts or stadium. I chased and followed the C div out of school. Seriously, i even threatened them with demerit points. Sigh... I hate being responsible in this manner.
Seriously, i see no harm in letting them stay in school. They are nice kids and I trust them. Some naughty and mischievous but they won't harm anybody. However, I do see the other side of the issue as well. Kids might get into trouble and all, parents complain, kids may be nice but they might get into accidents and who knows what else. So, while I would like to be a rebel and fight slongside my students but I do see the big picture.
Of course, I do not expect students to understand, I wasn't that understanding when I was a teenager. I did not see the rationale behind rules, I saw my teachers as old fashioned sticklers for rules, I did not see the constraints, I only saw the infinite possibilities that youth and energy can provide.
Okie, so i have to curb my inner fun loving me and be responsible. That sucks, but that is what I am paid for. Anyway, it is high time I behave like an adult instead of a teenager. Ok, at least I have to behave like a teacher in school. Dont have to be one when I am not with my students. Being responsible is just yucky.

Day of the Amazons

Su got married yesterday. Didn't go for her solemnisation cos was too sick and tired. Went for the wedding today. She looked very pretty. Mulyan looked so sweet. Very happy for them. Glad she finally found someone who can take care of her well.

3rd one in the squad to get married. And a TKAmazon baby coming in November. A girl too. 13 years later, maybe, she could be 2nd generation TKAmazon. Heh heh.

Shuling brought her 'boy' in tow. He is not bad looking. Must be pretty serious that she brought him to meet us. Too bad she had to flee or else we would have grind her for details. After the wedding, the 5 happening and gorgeous single ladies (Wanzhen, Suxian, Christine, Farhana and me) sat at Deli Bistro for desert and we had such a great time. We moaned about our jobs and how we have no social lives at all. Very unexciting lives we lead cos we are so bogged down with work.

It is refreshing to meet the squaddies after so long. Must meet again soon, perhaps during the Sept hols or at the very latest when Azian decides to pop in November. :)